Replacements

Anyone here a fan of “Band of Brothers?” Remember the episode called “Replacements?” Sometimes I feel like one of the veterans in Easy Company trying to train the FNGs (Effing New Guys) in the real ways of war. It’s never really been that much of a problem, but as My Truck Buddy grows, I have less time and less patience with it. Still, it has to be done.

The problem is b.s., initially. I put the word out that I’m looking for some labor help, and I get 50-60 responses over about a week. Seventy-five percent of those will be from pre-literate guys, and while I’m not looking for Shakespeares here, it’d be nice to have guys at least attempt a coherent request for work from a new employer. Of those guys, about half of them will promise–swear, actually–that they’re the hardest-working men I’ve ever seen. One guy, usually a younger guy, inevitably sends his resume. Oy.

The remaining 25 percent will sound interesting, and I’ll respond to them. Of those, maybe ten or so guys will get back to me. Maybe three of the final guys will make the cut, and two of them will disappear after their first day on the job.

But, every now and then, I get lucky and find someone who’s eager to work, has good instincts, and cares for my customers’ belongings. That’s when the real training begins.

Unfortunately, I can’t just tell them how to do the bare-bones, boots-on-the-ground work. I’m writing the manual for the business right now, and that’s one of the hardest things I’ve done so far. The real training begins when they pick up their first dresser out on the job. Actually, the real training begins when we show up and I tell them to put their “jazz hands” on.

At least half of the job is grace and charm in the customer’s presence. At least half. If a guy is strong and careful, he has nothing to worry about. But a bad or even just aloof attitude can mean the difference between a big tip and a good review, or no tip and no review. Look at reviews for movers at Yelp.com sometime. It’s shocking how often people are put off by movers’ complaining. I’ve had a few of my guys cost me some money because they bitched about stairs.

Anyway, my June deadline for a fully automated business with multiple streams of income and several independently operating crews is looming, and I need to find some dudes. It’s tough work but someone (oh way–it’s me!) has to do it. Oy.